May 11, 2008 by ignatiof.

(For those not in the know, that’s Evan Longoria does not equal Eva Longoria)

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff | Print | 1 Comment »

May 10, 2008 by ignatiof.

I think I’ll take 4 months for $120, Alex.

Posted in Silly Signs | Print | No Comments »

May 2, 2008 by ignatiof.

So you have a city with a limited water supply. Let’s say, oh, Tucson, Arizona. Now if you have no water meters installed, you have no way of measuring how much any single household is using. You can’t implement a per-gallon usage fee.

You need a way to get the whole city to save water. You can try fines and penalties for lawn watering and such, but that is a pain to enforce. If you want to reduce your overall usage, keep reading. Otherwise, turn to page 41.

What you need is a city-wide incentive. Say for example, that you’ll drop the mil rate if usage drops below a specified threshold for a given period of time. Then publish that amount. Regularly. In everyone’s faces.

Posted in Neat Stuff | Print | No Comments »

April 29, 2008 by ignatiof.

I have been trying to remember if C3P0 is in pieces in every one of the 6 Star Wars movies, but I can’t remember if anything happened to him in Revenge of the Sith. I guess I haven’t watched it enough yet. Another dozen times oughta do it. Here’s the other ones:

1. The Phantom Menace - Anakin turns on C3P0 but he is missing an eye, which Anakin plugs in.
2. Attack of the Clones - He gets parts swapped with a battle droid.
3. Revenge of the Sith - ?
4. A New Hope - Has his arm removed by a Tusken Raider.
5. The Empire Strikes Back - Gets blowed up and Chewbacca carts him around in a box.
6. Return of the Jedi - Coming full circle, Jabba’s rat friend pulls out an eye.

Posted in Neat Stuff | Print | No Comments »

April 29, 2008 by ignatiof.

Last night, I dreamed that my brother and I were getting married.

To each other…

I’m not gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and I certainly don’t practice incest. Incest - there’s definitely something wrong with that. Sure it may be all fun and games at first. But then someone gains an arm. You could argue that there’s some potential evolutionary advantage to a third arm, but good luck trying to convince anyone.

In fact, the only time I can think of when incest is socially acceptable is when there is no society to speak of - i.e. you and your relative are the last two people in existence. Why you didn’t hide in your bomb shelter with Jessica Alba instead of your sister is beyond me. She would make a much better mother to all of humanity than your sister (unless you are Jessica’s brother).

Posted in Twisted Dreams | Print | 1 Comment »

April 28, 2008 by ignatiof.

… Finance
… Fashion
… Tech

Got any more?

Posted in General | Print | 1 Comment »

April 24, 2008 by ignatiof.

Another blog you say? Another blog? That’s right, another blog. I have just started another blog. This new one is all about the evidence that the world has basically gone to hell.

You might ask, ‘Why not just make this blog a category on earlwoodman.com?’. To which I respond, ‘fuck off. Do what you want with your own damn blog empire.’

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff, Neat Stuff, General | Print | No Comments »

April 21, 2008 by ignatiof.

Some friends of mine have recently started franchises in my area. One is Mr. Rooter, a plumbing concern, and the other is Mr. Electric, a franchised electrician service. The former has been running for a couple of years now and doing well, while the latter is just getting off the ground. Kudos to the owners for having the kahunas to start up these operations.

However, what I don’t get, is why I have the sudden and barely controllable urge to buy four railroads.

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff, General | Print | No Comments »

April 16, 2008 by ignatiof.

I don’t suffer from constipation much. Still, I thought a bit of extra fibre in my diet wouldn’t be a bad thing. A friend of mine said he sprinkles all-bran on some of his other food as an easy way to get that bit of extra fibre.

‘That’s a good idea’, I thought. I’ll start sprinkling all-bran on everything! I started putting it on my cereal, in my peanut butter sammiches, and even in chicken soup. It works for most things I sprinkle it on, but not all. It blows off the car as soon as I pull out of my driveway, and I don’t even want to tell you the trouble I’ve had trying to comb my hair.

Posted in The Chronicles of Weight Gainia, General | Print | No Comments »

April 10, 2008 by ignatiof.

I’ve often wondered why gourmet cat food is made from the same type of animals that humans commonly eat: beef, chicken, tuna, etc.

To be honest, I haven’t often wondered about it. It’s pretty obvious - those animals are already being processed for human consumption, so it makes economic sense.

But what would our cats really like to eat? If you leave them to their own inventions they mack on rats and birds. So I can only assume that’s what they love. I can see a new gourmet product line now with flavours like these:

• Rat Repas
• Songbird Souffle
• Caterpillar Casserole
• Blades of Grass Dinner
• Tender Chunks of Styrofoam

Posted in General | Print | 1 Comment »