October 31, 2006 by ignatiof.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the finding of a landform through Google Maps of something that looks like a person’s head. So much so that I have decided to reveal my finding to the world before someone steals my glory. And I’m all about the glory and the blood rain and the hey hey hey. My finding is on the eastern coast of Quebec, and therefore I have decided to dub it ‘Le Head’.

Here’s a capture from Google Earth:

Now try and tell me that doesn’t look like a head. Right there in the middle. You can see it right? It’s not just me?

Here’s a link to it with Google Maps: http://maps.google.com/?ie=UTF8&om=1&z=12&ll=50.55009,-59.438438&spn=0.140269,0.376968&t=k

Update!

Some people have expressed difficulty in seeing Le Head, so here it is circled:

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October 31, 2006 by ignatiof.

Once again it’s Halloween. That time of year when a young man’s thoughts turn to sweet and salty snacks, or possibly getting the crap scared out of him. Oh, girls too. So every year I try to keep a count of how many kids that come to the house. I usually lose track after a while. This year, I’m keeping notes. So here they are:

6 girls

1 boy (clearly this one has no friends)

2 girls

1 girl (she should have gone with the first lonely kid)

3 boys

2 girls, 2 boys

1 child of indeterminate sex (hermaphrodite? Doubtful)

6 more with masks on

At this point I stopped caring. I think half of that was because I was distracted by eating the snacks I was supposed to be giving to these little ghosts and goblins.

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October 31, 2006 by ignatiof.

I have received a number of complaints (zero) about the length of my articles, and let it be said that length is something I have no issues with. So here it is, an article with some more meat on its bones.

Now being Halloween today, I thought about posting some pictures of rotting meat or old animal bones but I thought that would be rather glib of me. And yes, I just had to go look up that word on google, because even though it sounded right, I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t misleading anyone or misrepresenting myself. I’m not a politician after all. Turkeys, they are, the lot of ‘em.

Speaking of politicians, does anyone care about those midterm elections in the US? Didn’t think so. Everyone knows the only office that matters it the President. Whether it’s the country with the most nukes or a manufacturer of frozen foods, the buck stops there. The doe on the other hand does whatever she wants. Man, I could really go for a nice steak right about now. Nothing like a fatty prime rib for brunch to kick start your heart. Arthur O. Sclerosis, he’s my buddy.

What kind of middle name is that anyway? What could ‘O’ stand for? Owen? Othello? Orenthal? Yikes. Orlando I suppose. He seems to be a popular dude these days. I’m really looking forward to that next Pirates movie. I really liked the ending of the last one. Otherwise the list of upcoming movies is pretty bland. With Star Wars and the Matrix both done, it’s pretty dismal. In fact, other than Pirates, I can’t think of anything that I am particularly looking forward to. Except maybe today’s lunch. Chicken leg.

Now, it’s 2 hours later, and I am about to eat said chicken leg. There it is, staring me in the face, in all its greasy glory. Why greasy? Probably because I bathed it in olive oil just before cooking it. You know, Popeye’s girlfriend. Apparently she likes chicken. Who knew? I would have assumed spinach, but you know what they say; opposites attract. Paula Abdul said as much in that partly-cartoon video she did before she became a celebrity judge on American Idol opposite Simon Cowell, the Human Howl. That guy is totally in your face, like a pimple or toothpaste. It’s floss for me though when I get stringy rabbit caught in my teeth.

Alright that’s enough…

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October 30, 2006 by ignatiof.

Like many aristocrats before me, I have decided it’s time that I commission a portrait of myself at my peak of worldliness and oh I dunno, let’s say: gumption.

While I’m not old by anyone’s definition, unless you’re 11, I’m not as young as I once was, and in order to preserve my image for future generations I decided that I would need a professional artist to produce said image. Photographs lack the heart and character that only a talented artist can produce.

At the same time, I also had portraits of my girlfriend and my kitty cat made by the same artist. In fact he was able to produce them on the same canvas. This is simply the work of genius dear readers.

So here they are, digital captures of my long-awaited portraits. Enjoy.

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October 30, 2006 by ignatiof.

It’s no wonder blogs have become such a popular source of news with the pathetic quality of writing coming out of reputable news sources. Everyone’s familiar with the horrible puns that so many journalists use for headlines.

Here’s an example: Mumps outbreak swells

OK, that’s pretty bad, but at least it makes sense. Now here’s one on cnn.com today that is just hideous. It’s like the guy never even tried.

Saw III slices Mobsters, Magicians

This one of course refers to the movie’s recent weekend box office win. Holy crap that’s bad. What a way to start a Monday…

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October 29, 2006 by ignatiof.

Aw crap.

As a follow-on from my last article, make that 4 glasses since August.

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October 25, 2006 by ignatiof.

So far in the past year or so I have:

1. Smashed up at least 6 glasses, 3 since August.

2. Cracked an expensive Santoku knife

3. Cracked a sliver off of a fancy glass casserole dish

4. Stained a large plastic salad bowl

5. Lost a piece of a metal steamer

6. Accidentally threw out two corn holders.

That’s all I can think of… for now.

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October 25, 2006 by ignatiof.

So a while back I blogged about meat. Real actual animal muscle tissue, that is. Meat is good, as all of us non-vegetarians will agree.

I also get some spam comments on my blog from time to time. It’s not too bad so every week or so I just go in and delete them. It’s maybe one every couple of days and they are usually about cheap medicine.

However, I got my first ‘penis enlargement’ spam comment the other day, and guess which post it was on. Yep, you got it, the meat post. Coincidence? I think not. For the record, I approved this one. If it was accidental, it’s comic gold, and hey, it’ll probably help some of you folks. Not me though.

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October 22, 2006 by ignatiof.

My girlfriend and I had an argument discussion on how often our cat takes a dump. I said it was about once a day. She figures three times every two days.

So for the two week period ending tomorrow, we have been keeping track. And I’m pleased to say that it’s almost exactly once per day on average. She’s not a regular cat, but over time, it evens out.

This will be my only entry on this subject. I sincerely apologize if you were eating while reading this, but you really should know better.

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October 13, 2006 by ignatiof.

I’m sick of it. Sick of not paying late fees when I don’t get my DVD back on time.

Yes, you read that right. I hate the fact that I can bring back my movie whenever the hell I want and suffer no consequences. I mean, what am I, a king?

Satire aside, I’m actually serious. This lack of late fees at Blockbuster and Rogers Video has kept DVDs in people’s hands longer, and off the shelf. Just try getting a new release on a weekend. Guaranteed rental or not, you better get it mid-week and keep it late, or you can forget it.

So charge me! Make me pay that extra $2.99! Call me at all hours of the day and demand that I return your property! It’s the only way to return sanity to this industry. Won’t someone please think of the children?!

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