Automotive Marketing

We’ve all heard how different types of cars are marketed to different types of buyers. What they don’t tell you is exactly what they think about you when you buy one of these cars. So my brother and I have taken it upon ourselves to fill you in. Look up your car below and see what the automobile manufacturers think about you.

BMW
 3-series - You are a certifiable genius.
Chevrolet
 Impala - You’ve entered retirement. I SAID YOU’VE ENTERED RETIREMENT!
Chrysler
 300C - You’re a mobster.

 Sebring - Your luggage fits in the trunk… now where’s that map?
Dodge
 Avenger - You’re a 28 year old man with a perpetual 5 o’clock shadow. You think you’re tough, but when it comes down to it, you weep for every insect that splatters across your windshield.
Ford
 Explorer - It was on the list of approved cars you could park in front of your planned-community home. You were able to get the color of your choice though, as long as it was black.
 Fusion - Uh, hmm… I’m not sure. Has anyone driven a Ford lately?
 Taurus - You are a certified genius. That MENSA certificate hangs proudly in your office at the factory.
Honda
 Element - You saw a box of crackers one day and thought ‘hmm, I wonder if this comes in a car.’

 Odyssey - The only one of your kids that isn’t crying just kicked me in the leg, and no, that little bastard is not cute.
Hummer
 H1 - You have an unfortunately small penis. If you are a female, you also have a small penis.
 H2 - You have a slightly larger penis than an H1 owner.
Hyundai
 Elantra - You’re a middle aged woman with all the fashion sense of a dead sea urchin.
Jeep
 Wrangler - Your surfboard looks so totally rad sticking up out of the back, dude..

Land Rover
 LR3 - You saw a SMART car and thought, ‘I want the box that came in.’

Maybach
 62 - You have exquisite taste.. those white gloves are simply dashing.

Mazda
 Miata (MX-5) - You got married too early, and your marriage finally crumbled as you reached a mid-life crisis. With all your money now going straight to that bitch as alimony, a Mercedes CLK is out of reach, so you plunk your overweight khaki-wearing ass into the seat of a tiny japanese roadster thinking that you’ll actually feel better cruising the boulevard, checking out chicks half your age, while the wind blows through your ever-thinning hair.
Mercedes
 S-Class - You’re just the right amount of asshole for corporate success. Any more and you’d have pissed too many people off to make it this far; any less and you’d be stuck in a Dilbert cubicle mumbling passive-aggressive asides just out of your boss’ earshot.
Nissan
 Versa - You’re a hippy.
 Sentra - You’re a hippy wannabe.
Pontiac
 Solstice - You’re single, in your late 20s, and already bald.
 Bonneville - You are a union leader
 Grand Prix - You are a union leader wannabe
Porsche
 Boxster - You’re out of money trying to look the part of the higher-class clique you so desperately seek the acceptance of, but hey, at least your new girlfriend doesn’t need to be fed.
Saturn
 Ion - You’re just getting started in your career in one of these exciting fields: Financial Planning, Health Care, Hotel Management……
 Vue - You’re a private investigator
Scion
 xB - You saw a Honda Element and thought, ‘damn, that’s too sleek’.

Smart
 Fortwo - You’re (not) smart.
Suzuki
 Yeah, right, like anyone would admit to driving one of those!
Toyota
 Prius - Your publicist said it’d be good for your image.. and your morning double tall no-foam half-caff soy latte fits so perfectly in the cup holder.
 Yaris - This is the largest auto you could afford.
 Camry - You’re 50, you wear beige slacks and you have grey hair. You’ve been described as ‘excessively normal’.
 FJ Cruiser - You’re legally blind.

Volkswagen
 Beetle - You’re a chick. And no, I’m not going to recycle this bottle when I’m done with it.
Volvo
 S-40 - You like sex. But purely from an academic point of view.
 R-40 - As a paranoid actuary, the Volvo wagon was a natural choice.

This entry was posted on May 12, 2007 at 11:30 pm and is filed under Neat Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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