Archive for July 2007

Human Childhood Development

(That title sounds like a sociology course, but trust me, it’s not.)

I don’t have much of a clue about childhood development. People like to say their kid is 4 and a half. Well I don’t know how that is different from a 4-year old. Here’s what George Carlin had to say on the matter:

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months.” “He’s two,” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.”

So as a public service for all those parents out there who want to tell me their child’s age, I’ve come up with a series of life stages. Please, parents, in the future, instead of their age, just tell me what life stage your child is in.

  1. You had too many beers, and now you find yourself pregnant
  2. New born
  3. The baby can walk, and therefore, fetch me a beer
  4. The child is out of diapers
  5. Puberty
  6. Old enough to buy beer

And the cycle continues…

A New Abbrev.

Perhaps you’ve heard of ‘i18n’, an abbreviation for internationalization. Well I’ve come up with a new abbreviation: m10n, which I encourage you to use in place of the word masturbation. For the uninitiated, that’s m, followed by 10 letters, then n. Why abbreviate it? Because it’s too hard to type. Especially with one hand. There you go, my contribution to western civilization.

Oh and by the way, this is exclusively a gift to you. I would never need to use the word myself of course.

Stuff I Listens To

Thanks to Last.fm I’ve been able to track my music listening habits for the past year and a half. Here are the results so far, categorized genderishly. Their overall rating is in parentheses. I’m putting men first because I can.

Solo men:

  1. Pete Yorn (3)
  2. John Frusciante (5)
  3. Weird Al (10 - tie)
  4. Matthew Sweet (49)
  5. Beck (53)

Solo women:

  1. Lily Allen (8)
  2. Joss Stone (9)
  3. Lisa Loeb (19)
  4. Maria McKee (28)
  5. Cree Summer (37)

Male Groups:

  1. The Posies (2)
  2. Queensryche (4)
  3. The Cult (6)
  4. Snow Patrol (12)
  5. R.E.M. (13)

Female Groups:

  1. Sleater-Kinney (1)
  2. Tegan and Sara (7)
  3. Luscious Jackson (18)
  4. LiveOnRelease (20)
  5. Cadallaca (24)

Mixed Groups:

  1. Rilo Kiley (10 - tie)
  2. Velocity Girl (15)
  3. Evanescence (21)
  4. Oppera (26)
  5. Throwing Muses (35)

 

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