November 17, 2007 by ignatiof.

A conversation with my significant other this evening:

She: What’s that you’re drinking?
Me: Jim Beam
She: Oh? With 7-up?
Me: Nope, straight.
She: Straight? Are you nuts?
Me: It’s how real men take their whiskey.
She: Do real men also take their whiskey with a cookie?

Posted in The Chronicles of Weight Gainia, Neat Stuff | Print | 3 Comments »

November 12, 2007 by ignatiof.

You might hear any of the following at among delegates at a gastroenterologists’ convention:

• Up yours!
• I gave yo’ mamma a complimentary colonscopy last night!
• I saw a picture of your intestinal fortitude on a milk carton!
• Bring it, asshole!
• You should give up this business before the shit hits the fan.

I admit it. I’ve sunken to a new low.

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November 12, 2007 by ignatiof.

Compare these two quotes from George W. Bush, US president, and Miss Teen South Carolina, and decide for yourself who should run the country.

Bush:

“Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled.”

Miss Teen S.C.:

“I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh…people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and…I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our…”

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff, General | Print | No Comments »

November 8, 2007 by ignatiof.

This album is like a bottle of highly concentrated syrup. They both:

1. Are ridiculously sugary
2. Contain nothing nourishing
3. Make you sick very quickly
4. Are best left on the shelf, or better yet, in the city dump

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff, Music, General | Print | No Comments »

November 8, 2007 by ignatiof.

Ever notice how people in some countries, provinces and states tend to very proud of their regions, but people in others are not quite as proud? No? Well, read on anyway.

If someone were to do a study, I’d be willing to bet a handful of dirt that the shape of that region is positively correlated to the amount of pride. Look at Newfoundland for instance. It’s a very rugged, forward looking, attractively shaped province with a large phallic peninsula. Who wouldn’t love that? On the other end of the scale is Saskatchewan, a province indistinguishable from a soggy cereal box. Pride in Saskatchewan must be worse than Britney Spears’ mothering skills.

Posted in Stuff Like Other Stuff, General, The Newfie Times | Print | 1 Comment »

November 4, 2007 by ignatiof.

Sometimes I have dreams that I wouldn’t characterize as regular dreams, but are also not quite negative or scary enough to be called nightmares. You know the kind I’m talking about. Like when you accidentally leave the keys in your girlfriend’s car and it gets stolen, but fortunately her insurance covers it. Or you buy a brand new laptop/tablet and the casing warps slightly after the warranty period expires.

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