Archive for December 2007

All Earlie Award Losers

Here are the runners-up from all Earlie Award contests going back to 1988:

2007: Joss Stone - Tell Me ‘Bout It
2006: The Charlatans - Blackened Blue Eyes
2005: Interpol - Evil
2004: JoJo - Leave (Get Out)
2003: Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
2002: Sarah Harmer - Weakened State
2001: Delerium - Daylight
2000: Sinead O’Connor - Jealous
1999: Alanis Morrisette - Joining You
1998: All Saints - Under The Bridge
1997: The Offspring - All I Want
1996: Radiohead - Street Spirit
1995: Portishead - Sour Times
1994: Sheryl Crow - Leaving Las Vegas
1993: Duran Duran - Come Undone
1992: Mariah Carey - Make It Happen
1991: Mariah Carey - Someday
1990: Madonna - Vogue
1989: Milli Vanilli - Baby Don’t Forget My Number
1988: John Cougar Mellencamp - Cherry Bomb

Clearly before 1995 I was smoking something illegal. Or perhaps that was when I started.

All Earlie Award Winners

Here they are, looking way back…

2007: Rilo Kiley - The Moneymaker
2006: Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous
2005: Rilo Kiley - Portions For Foxes
2004: Joss Stone - Super Duper Love
2003: Evanescence - Going Under
2002: The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist
2001: Weezer - Hash Pipe
2000: Chantal Kreviazuk - Far Away
1999: Len - Feelin’ Alright
1998: Bran Van 3000 - Everywhere
1997: No Doubt - Sunday Morning
1996: Cowboy Junkies - A Common Disaster
1995: The Cranberries - Zombie
1994: Ace of Base - The Sign
1993: Patty Smyth - No Mistakes
1992: INXS - Heaven Sent
1991: Queensryche - Silent Lucidity
1990: Lisa Stansfield - All Around The World
1989: Madonna - Like A Prayer
1988: Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning

2007 Earlie Award Winner

It’s that time again! Time to announce the 2007 Earlie Award winner!

There’s only one category, so let’s get to it. Here are the three top songs for the year:

3. Tegan & Sara - The Con (title song from their 5th and best album)

2. Joss Stone - Tell Me ‘Bout It

1. Rilo Kiley - The Moneymaker (Song of the year, and about porn. What more could you ask for?)

Search for the Perfect Word

Here are my criteria for the perfect English word:

  1. Must be between 4 and 7 letters long.
  2. Must be common words.
  3. Must not have a negative meaning.
  4. Cannot contain any silent letters, except where they modify the sound of nearby letters.
  5. Cannot be words borrowed directly from another language.

Some candidates:

  • Peace
  • Forever
  • Music
  • Love
  • Time

Got any others?

Basically Speaking

Star Wars novels often refer to the language spoken in the galaxy as ‘Basic’. It looks like English to me. Here’s what I think the plot of every Star Wars movie would look like if it really were in Basic:

10 PRINT “I have a bad feeling about this.”
20 PRINT “I don’t sense anything.”
30 PRINT “Use the force!”
40 GOTO 10

The Russians are Coming!

I had a strange dream again last night. I have strange dreams every night, so I figure it’s time I started sharing them with the world. Some people think your dreams have significant meaning and can be interpreted in ways that can give insight into your life or help you wish your problems. I am not one of those people.

Last night I dreamt that the Russians were having difficulty broadcasting high definition television, so as a stop-gap measure they prerecorded the hi-def TV on optical discs and send them into space to be played on an orbital Blu-Ray machine.

How GM Can Save Itself

Get rid of the Chevrolet brand.

Yes, you read that right. If GM wants to survive it needs to do something drastic - get rid of that bloated symbol of American mediocrity, Chevrolet. I also recommended euthanizing Buick, a division with no clear market and little remaining cachet.

I know what you’re thinking. How can GM get rid of Chevrolet, their main brand and I expect, their largest volume seller? It’s because no matter how good the Malibu gets, it’s still a Chevy, and people will never perceive it as a competitor to Accord or Camry. The Aura is the only real midsize non-luxury car that GM has a chance with.

Here’s what to do with each of the cars Chevy makes. You can safely kill most of them because they either suck, or have equivalents at Saturn or Pontiac, or both.

  • Aveo - kill it
  • Cobalt - kill it
  • Camaro - turn it into a Firebird and give it to Pontiac
  • Corvette - This is the tough one. It’s Chevy’s best asset in terms of quality and image. The best choice is giving it to Pontiac, but that’s not a perfect option.
  • HHR - give it to Pontiac
  • Impala - kill it
  • Malibu - kill it
  • Express - kill it
  • Uplander - kill it
  • Equinox - kill it
  • Tahoe - kill it
  • TrailBlazer - kill it
  • Suburban - give to GMC
  • Avalanche - People like the look of this impractical hunk of junk, so why not give it to GMC.
  • Colorado - kill it
  • Silverado - although GMC has an equivalent, the Silverado name might be worth keeping, either by replacing Sierra or turning this one into a Saturn or Pontiac. Saturn Silverado? Maybe not.

See, it’s not such a big sacrifice after all. The new GM: Cadillac, Saab, Saturn, Hummer, GMC, Pontiac. That’s more than enough brands. This is not a long term nor fully realized plan of course. GM may be well advised to bring back Chevrolet in ten or twenty years if market conditions demand it, and they may need to get rid of other brands as well. Saab’s place is questionable, and they may be able to merge Saturn and Pontiac.

Stuff I Always Listens To

Here are the top artists on my last.fm page that I listen to from whom I haven’t started listening to any new music. If that didn’t confuse you enough, go finish your eight glasses of gravy today. I’m concerned about your gravy level.

  1. R.E.M.
  2. Velocity Girl
  3. Luscious Jackson
  4. Crash Vegas
  5. Cowboy Junkies
  6. Jewel
  7. Heart
  8. The White Stripes
  9. Portishead
  10. Faith No More

Albumseses

A while back I posted about listening to a bunch of classic albums. Here are the ones I have done and the ones I have left.

Complete:

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
Beck - Odelay
Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back
Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
Kiss - Alive
The Police - Synchronicity
Steely Dan - Pretzel Logic
Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense
Van Morrison - Astral Weeks
Stevie Wonder - Talking Book
Janis Joplin - Pearl
The Ramones - Rocket to Russia
Blondie - Parallel Lines
The Clash - Combat Rock (was originally London Calling)

To go: 

U2 - The Joshua Tree
Carole King - Tapestry
The Stones - Sticky Fingers
Prince - Purple Rain
The Beatles - Revolver
Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV
Elvis Costello - This Year’s Model
Radiohead - The Bends
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
A Tribe Called Quest - Low End Theory
The Pretenders - Pretenders
Sly and the Family Stone - Fresh
Pearl Jam - Ten
The Smiths - The Queen is Dead
Queen - A Night at the Opera
Jay-Z - Reasonable Doubt
Otis Redding - The Otis Redding Dictionary of Soul
Grateful Dead - American Beauty
CCR - Cosmo’s Factory
The Jesus and Mary Chain - Psycho Candy
Roxy Music - Avalon
Jane’s Addiction - Nothing’s Shocking
Peter Gabriel - So
Jethro Tull - Aqualung
Buzzcocks - Singles Going Steady
The Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
The Doors - LA Woman
The Strokes - Is This It
ZZ Top - Eliminator
Cheap Trick - In Color
Eurythmics - Touch
Miles Davis - Bitches Brew
Aretha Franklin - Lady Soul
The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced?
Little Richard - Here’s Little Richard

It Was the Largest Auto that I Could Afford

My friend Geoff, and I use that term loosely, cause it’s short for Geoffrey, has a very small summer car. With the top down, the trunk space in his Pontiac Solstice is very very limited. There’s not even enough room for an anorexic supermodel, which is fortunate, because the chances of him bagging a supermodel are slim at best.

We determined exactly how much space is in his trunk by running a simple experiment. We filled it with water, and then measured said water. As it turns out, his trunk is large enough to fit a singularity (i.e. an infinitely small point). On measuring again, we confirmed it could fit only one singularity. You couldn’t get two singularities in there if you used Kate Moss to shoehorn them in.