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July 14, 2008 by ignatiof.
She: Hi sweetie, how are you?
Me: I’m good, how are you?
She: I was talking to the cat.
Me: Oh.
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April 28, 2008 by ignatiof.
… Finance
… Fashion
… Tech
Got any more?
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April 24, 2008 by ignatiof.
Another blog you say? Another blog? That’s right, another blog. I have just started another blog. This new one is all about the evidence that the world has basically gone to hell.
You might ask, ‘Why not just make this blog a category on earlwoodman.com?’. To which I respond, ‘fuck off. Do what you want with your own damn blog empire.’
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April 21, 2008 by ignatiof.
Some friends of mine have recently started franchises in my area. One is Mr. Rooter, a plumbing concern, and the other is Mr. Electric, a franchised electrician service. The former has been running for a couple of years now and doing well, while the latter is just getting off the ground. Kudos to the owners for having the kahunas to start up these operations.
However, what I don’t get, is why I have the sudden and barely controllable urge to buy four railroads.
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April 16, 2008 by ignatiof.
I don’t suffer from constipation much. Still, I thought a bit of extra fibre in my diet wouldn’t be a bad thing. A friend of mine said he sprinkles all-bran on some of his other food as an easy way to get that bit of extra fibre.
‘That’s a good idea’, I thought. I’ll start sprinkling all-bran on everything! I started putting it on my cereal, in my peanut butter sammiches, and even in chicken soup. It works for most things I sprinkle it on, but not all. It blows off the car as soon as I pull out of my driveway, and I don’t even want to tell you the trouble I’ve had trying to comb my hair.
Posted in The Chronicles of Weight Gainia, General | Print | No Comments »
April 10, 2008 by ignatiof.
I’ve often wondered why gourmet cat food is made from the same type of animals that humans commonly eat: beef, chicken, tuna, etc.
To be honest, I haven’t often wondered about it. It’s pretty obvious - those animals are already being processed for human consumption, so it makes economic sense.
But what would our cats really like to eat? If you leave them to their own inventions they mack on rats and birds. So I can only assume that’s what they love. I can see a new gourmet product line now with flavours like these:
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April 5, 2008 by ignatiof.
Last night…
The missus: Hey, what are you up to?
Me: Just blogging about my endorsement in the upcoming U.S. election.
The missus: You know the Pillsbury Doughboy isn’t running this year, right?
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April 4, 2008 by ignatiof.
I, Ignatio Fairfax, editor of EarlWoodman.com, am announcing today that I am endorsing Senator Barack Obama in the upcoming US election. (Note that my opinion is not necessarily that of EarlWoodman.com).
In reaching this decision, I would like to direct your attention to Obama’s recent race speech, and in particular, the following excerpt:
The fact is that the comments [of Geraldine Ferraro and Reverend Wright] that have been made and the issues that have surfaced over the last few weeks reflect the complexities of race in this country that we’ve never really worked through - a part of our union that we have yet to perfect. And if we walk away now, if we simply retreat into our respective corners, we will never be able to come together and solve challenges…
Obama is not a perfect candidate, and he was not my pick at the beginning of the primaries. However, his ability to directly address the issue of racism without actually playing the race card is mature and commendable.
His platform of ‘change’ was not something that I understood at first. I had assumed that by change, he was intending to fix the problems created by his predecessor. But it appears that Obama is not even referring to Bush. He is focused on continued perfection of the constitution, an exercise in nation building that he feels, rightly so, is dangerously incomplete. Hillary Clinton and John McCain are wholly uninspiring in their myopic visions and pedestrian intents.
Posted in General, The Newfie Times | Print | No Comments »
March 23, 2008 by ignatiof.
Last week I went to my local video store to rent the movie Gone Baby Gone. Unfortunately, being a new release, all the copies were rented. I said to my girlfriend, ‘Gone Baby Gone is gone, baby, gone.’ I believe that I was the first person to ever make that joke.
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January 24, 2008 by ignatiof.
Paraphrasing a convo from last nite:
Friend: I am stressed about school, my family, etc, etc.
Me: Try not to let the stress get to you. Control your emotions instead of letting them control you. Use logic to get rid of destructive negative thoughts.
Me (10 mins later): Speechless?
Her: You’re usually such a goofball. I was thinking about what you said, and it makes sense. I’ll have to try it.
Me: scrotum
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