June 13, 2008 by ignatiof.

Here’s a few:

1. Ability to regenerate body parts that were damaged/lost
2. Smell/Hearing of a dog
3. Echolocation ability of a bat
4. Ability to totally freeze solid and thaw out (without dying - very important)
5. Ability to change colours like a chameleon

Got any more ideas?

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June 9, 2008 by ignatiof.

So I’m now on car #6. There’s another story about that but I will get to that in another post. Here’s some interesting facts about my car history.

The new car is:

• my 6th motorized street-legal vehicle with four wheels and a trunk
• my 3rd midsize car
• my 5th sedan
• tied for the most I’ve paid for a car
• the 2nd I’ve bought with an extended warranty
• the 5th car I’ve purchased
• the 5th car I’ve acquired used
• the 3rd silver car I’ve owned
• the only car I’ve been in an accident in
• the 1st car I’ve had with a 3-spoke steering wheel
• the 1st car I’ve had with heated seats
• the 2nd car I’ve had with aluminum wheels
• the 5th car I’ve had with a four-cylinder engine
• the 1st car I’ve had with all-wheel drive

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May 2, 2008 by ignatiof.

So you have a city with a limited water supply. Let’s say, oh, Tucson, Arizona. Now if you have no water meters installed, you have no way of measuring how much any single household is using. You can’t implement a per-gallon usage fee.

You need a way to get the whole city to save water. You can try fines and penalties for lawn watering and such, but that is a pain to enforce. If you want to reduce your overall usage, keep reading. Otherwise, turn to page 41.

What you need is a city-wide incentive. Say for example, that you’ll drop the mil rate if usage drops below a specified threshold for a given period of time. Then publish that amount. Regularly. In everyone’s faces.

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April 29, 2008 by ignatiof.

I have been trying to remember if C3P0 is in pieces in every one of the 6 Star Wars movies, but I can’t remember if anything happened to him in Revenge of the Sith. I guess I haven’t watched it enough yet. Another dozen times oughta do it. Here’s the other ones:

1. The Phantom Menace - Anakin turns on C3P0 but he is missing an eye, which Anakin plugs in.
2. Attack of the Clones - He gets parts swapped with a battle droid.
3. Revenge of the Sith - ?
4. A New Hope - Has his arm removed by a Tusken Raider.
5. The Empire Strikes Back - Gets blowed up and Chewbacca carts him around in a box.
6. Return of the Jedi - Coming full circle, Jabba’s rat friend pulls out an eye.

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April 24, 2008 by ignatiof.

Another blog you say? Another blog? That’s right, another blog. I have just started another blog. This new one is all about the evidence that the world has basically gone to hell.

You might ask, ‘Why not just make this blog a category on earlwoodman.com?’. To which I respond, ‘fuck off. Do what you want with your own damn blog empire.’

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March 13, 2008 by ignatiof.

I went through Wikipedia’s list of battles to find the 7 best-named battles ever. So now you don’t have to go through the list yourself. I’m a time saver, let me tell you.

7. Battle of the 300 Champions

This one is a must for any list. Not only did those 300 bad asses hold off the evil Persians, but they… ummm… well, they held off the evil Persians.

6. Battle of the Forum Gallorum

Now I don’t know a damn thing about this battle, but with a name that rhymes, what’s not to love, besides the dying and injuries?

5. Battle of Ogdensburg

Ogdensburg is a town or city in upstate New York. Ogdensburg. Who’d have thunk it would be worth fighting over? I would have expected North Haverbrook, but Ogdensburg?

4. Battle of the Lone Pine

Only one person died in this battle. Doc. When the Libyans came in their VW van and embedded many many bullets into his chest. Fortunately, Marty was able to escape to 1955.

3. Battle of the Bulge

A battle named after the struggle between human and waistline. Tasty.

2. Battle of Pork Chop Hill

Any battle named after meat is a-ok in my book.

1. Battle of Bloody Ridge

I guess this one pretty much says it all. I’m still waiting for a battle to be named ‘Battle with Miscellaneous Body Parts Left to Rot in the Aftermath’

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February 27, 2008 by ignatiof.

This showed up as my current friend updates on my Facebook home today:

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December 30, 2007 by ignatiof.

Here are my criteria for the perfect English word:

1. Must be between 4 and 7 letters long.
2. Must be common words.
3. Must not have a negative meaning.
4. Cannot contain any silent letters, except where they modify the sound of nearby letters.
5. Cannot be words borrowed directly from another language.

Some candidates:

• Peace
• Forever
• Music
• Love
• Time

Got any others?

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December 19, 2007 by ignatiof.

Star Wars novels often refer to the language spoken in the galaxy as ‘Basic’. It looks like English to me. Here’s what I think the plot of every Star Wars movie would look like if it really were in Basic:

10 PRINT “I have a bad feeling about this.”
20 PRINT “I don’t sense anything.”
30 PRINT “Use the force!”
40 GOTO 10

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December 12, 2007 by ignatiof.

Get rid of the Chevrolet brand.

Yes, you read that right. If GM wants to survive it needs to do something drastic - get rid of that bloated symbol of American mediocrity, Chevrolet. I also recommended euthanizing Buick, a division with no clear market and little remaining cachet.

I know what you’re thinking. How can GM get rid of Chevrolet, their main brand and I expect, their largest volume seller? It’s because no matter how good the Malibu gets, it’s still a Chevy, and people will never perceive it as a competitor to Accord or Camry. The Aura is the only real midsize non-luxury car that GM has a chance with.

Here’s what to do with each of the cars Chevy makes. You can safely kill most of them because they either suck, or have equivalents at Saturn or Pontiac, or both.

• Aveo - kill it
• Cobalt - kill it
• Camaro - turn it into a Firebird and give it to Pontiac
• Corvette - This is the tough one. It’s Chevy’s best asset in terms of quality and image. The best choice is giving it to Pontiac, but that’s not a perfect option.
• HHR - give it to Pontiac
• Impala - kill it
• Malibu - kill it
• Express - kill it
• Uplander - kill it
• Equinox - kill it
• Tahoe - kill it
• TrailBlazer - kill it
• Suburban - give to GMC
• Avalanche - People like the look of this impractical hunk of junk, so why not give it to GMC.
• Colorado - kill it
• Silverado - although GMC has an equivalent, the Silverado name might be worth keeping, either by replacing Sierra or turning this one into a Saturn or Pontiac. Saturn Silverado? Maybe not.

See, it’s not such a big sacrifice after all. The new GM: Cadillac, Saab, Saturn, Hummer, GMC, Pontiac. That’s more than enough brands. This is not a long term nor fully realized plan of course. GM may be well advised to bring back Chevrolet in ten or twenty years if market conditions demand it, and they may need to get rid of other brands as well. Saab’s place is questionable, and they may be able to merge Saturn and Pontiac.

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