July 10, 2008 by ignatiof.

Most writers would use a title like ‘Very Low Caliber’ or something else with a lame pun to describe just how bad the Dodge Caliber is. I am not one of those writers.

It was very hard to find things to like about that car when I had it as a rental last month. Here’s the short list:

1. The gauge cluster looks nice in white
2. There is a hole in the passenger’s head restraint so you can grab something other than your girlfriend’s breasts when backing up. (They don’t like that.)

Everything else about the Caliber needs improvement.

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June 16, 2008 by ignatiof.

Have you ever been at work, where people can see your computer monitor, and you’ve incorrectly typed in the URL to a harmless website?

We all have. In fact, you’ve probably also had that feeling in the pit of your stomach that maybe - just maybe - your mistyped URL will lead you to a porn site, or something equally inappropriate for the office. You don’t wanna get caught with that stuff on your screen.

That feeling is so freaking scary and so unique, I thought it needed a word of its own. Naturally, I couldn’t think of anything, so I asked my brother. He came up with ‘typornaphobia’. Awesome or what?

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June 13, 2008 by ignatiof.

Here’s a few:

1. Ability to regenerate body parts that were damaged/lost
2. Smell/Hearing of a dog
3. Echolocation ability of a bat
4. Ability to totally freeze solid and thaw out (without dying - very important)
5. Ability to change colours like a chameleon

Got any more ideas?

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May 25, 2008 by ignatiof.

I am not one for theme weekends, but sometimes they just sort of happen. Like this one, for example.

Yesterday, I went to the movies with my significant other. We saw Indy 4. It was entirely appropriate, I thought.

Today, we watched the Indy 500. Scott Dixon won it, but it was largely uneventful - no horrible crashes, and no dramatic turns of events. All told, I will probably remember Indy 4 more.

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May 11, 2008 by ignatiof.

(For those not in the know, that’s Evan Longoria does not equal Eva Longoria)

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April 24, 2008 by ignatiof.

Another blog you say? Another blog? That’s right, another blog. I have just started another blog. This new one is all about the evidence that the world has basically gone to hell.

You might ask, ‘Why not just make this blog a category on earlwoodman.com?’. To which I respond, ‘fuck off. Do what you want with your own damn blog empire.’

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April 21, 2008 by ignatiof.

Some friends of mine have recently started franchises in my area. One is Mr. Rooter, a plumbing concern, and the other is Mr. Electric, a franchised electrician service. The former has been running for a couple of years now and doing well, while the latter is just getting off the ground. Kudos to the owners for having the kahunas to start up these operations.

However, what I don’t get, is why I have the sudden and barely controllable urge to buy four railroads.

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March 23, 2008 by ignatiof.

Last week I went to my local video store to rent the movie Gone Baby Gone. Unfortunately, being a new release, all the copies were rented. I said to my girlfriend, ‘Gone Baby Gone is gone, baby, gone.’ I believe that I was the first person to ever make that joke.

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February 27, 2008 by ignatiof.

This showed up as my current friend updates on my Facebook home today:

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November 12, 2007 by ignatiof.

Compare these two quotes from George W. Bush, US president, and Miss Teen South Carolina, and decide for yourself who should run the country.

Bush:

“Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled.”

Miss Teen S.C.:

“I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh…people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and…I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our…”

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